Nigerian Women In Big Cars

When we were little, we used to regard women's motorcycles (women usually drove the small Qlink-kind of motorcycles) as harmless because their riders being females were always careful. Men, on the other hand, were much more dangerous with their big, noisy 'bikes'. So, crossing the road when a female motorcycle was just a few feet away was something we did with leisure and non-chalance since the woman would be patient, slow and careful. But if a man was coming on his bike half a kilometer away, we knew to stay clear off the road completely. Sitting outside your house which was by the roadside didn't make you any safer than if you were standing in the middle of the road. We'd never heard of accidents involving women's bikes, but accidents involving men's bikes was something that occurred many times a day and the crazy part was that most of the accidents were caused and suffered by the same bike. But I digress. What I really want to talk about is cars and female drivers.

Now, in some parts of Lagos, it's not uncommon to see a woman riding a big car. But I'd like to ask, how many driving schools do we have in Lagos. In all my time here, I've seen two and heard of one. Of course, there would surely be others, but certainly not as many as they should be. And looking at the entire structure and organization of some of these schools, it's nothing but outright nonsense. By the way, how many people especially women patronize these schools? A lot of people learn how to drive from a friend or family member and most likely in an open garage. An informal, incomplete form of training that teaches you how to change gear, reverse, brake, accelerate and use the horn among some other things. Most times, both teacher and student have no idea about many road signs or driving regulations. It is very normal to see a woman drive very slowly and carefully, not only because women are naturally calm and careful, but also because she's not a very good driver. In a car of say three to three and half yards in length, it could take some women twenty to thirty minutes to actually make a U-turn on a road of almost 10 yards in width. It can be very funny when you see them taking the car back and forth like a duck fowl doing a traditional Igbo dance. Then talk of those women who want to negotiate a curve. That might take some of them a whole ten minutes. If it's a big car, needing good height and strength to handle properly, it will be closer to fifteen. They will look left, right, back, stretch their necks to see ahead and below and then repeat the entire process before moving a few inches forward and the cycle continues. Reversing is yet another drama. The funniest happens in a bank's parking space. Some women will have to undergo a fresh driving lecture from the security men before they can park their cars. "Go like this. Ehen ehen, hold am like that. Oya, turn come. Dey come, dey come. No no no, hold am.. No, turn am like that...."

To be frank, I'm yet to see the actions of these women directly threaten the safety of pedestrians, but it certainly is adding to the anger and frustration of every road user when they block the road with big cars they can't handle. They are also risking their own lives by being sitting, clueless ducks on ill-constructed roads full of crazy male drivers of heavy-duty vehicles, insane male motorcycle riders, portholes and fellow inexperienced or underaged drivers of the opposite sex. I really do not know why a woman who's not very good at driving, measuring 5ft. 1in. and weighing 110lb would want to drive a car as large as a Pathfinder jeep. She cannot see much of the road ahead and when she finds herself in an unfamiliar or tight situation, she lacks the strength to control the car optimally. It clearly is a recipe for disaster. Most big cars look like coffins, and believe me, they can easily land you in one. You can show off with a small car, a bicycle or even a Keke NAPEP. Why play with your life by showing off with a big car on Nigerian roads when you cannot even drive very well?

Nigeria's Security Strategies: Our Open Secrets

It's a common trend for Nigerian security agencies to come to national TV and announce important security strategies in detail. The latest I heard was the Police outlining in detailed form how it hoped to go after and catch certain groups of criminals. And I ask, who are they fooling, me or themselves? Do they think everyone is foolish enough not to think that these criminals have television sets or listen to the news or have family members/accomplices who do? How can you destroy Boko Haram when all your vital plans are always on the evening news? Do you even really want to destroy them or are you seeking to do a form of eyeservice shake-body, telling the Nigerian people, 'Hey, you dey see me? I'm working very hard o!'
 

New security threats keep arising and they can not be contained because the deployment and strategies of all the security agencies can be found on TV, radio and newspaper. The criminals can easily know what class,

departments, ranks and number of security agents that are at any and every part of the country at all times. And then, the IG, the Defense Chief, COAS and Minister of Defense will come out to complete the dossier by telling everyone exactly what the troops will be doing, how they will do it and when they will do it. They feel proud and comfortable giving out these information because no matter what happens, they are safe in Abuja. Last last, na the deployed soldiers and policemen go die. What will happen to the money meant for their families, only God can tell which pocket that one go enter. So my biggest question is, why play politics and eyeservice with vital information about the security of this great nation of 200 million people? The dividends of democracy are the provision of good roads, sound education, constant power, good healthcare, good economy.. not security strategy. Haba!

What Is Our Police Force Doing?

In almost every sensible nation on the planet, the police is the first line of internal security. But in Nigeria the first line of internal security is the Army. Why? 
One, the police population is very low compared to the population of the policed. Two, the police are not usually trusted. Three, the police are not usually feared by those who create security threats. Four, the police are not as trained and equipped as necessary. And Five, the police almost always engage in wrong activities like harassing members of the public, guarding VIPs and robbing innocent citizens of their money and property. I've heard someone say that, in his area, there could be as many as 80 policemen guarding 20 homes. And some years ago, the then IGP Solomon Arase stated that so many policemen/women were actually occupied with carrying bags around for VIPs. But he also played the hypocrite near the end of his tenure when he held the microphone for the president to read an address during an event. Eye service regime of course. 

There are reports which claim that about 150,000 of our over 300,000 police personnel are occupied with guarding VIPs. Meanwhile, non-VIPs who really require police protection are being taken to the station and asked to bring N200,000 because they're wearing dreadlocks, carrying a laptop bag or having an iPhone. While the police are busy with all these activities, the Army are fighting insurgency in the North East, banditry in the North West, herdsmen in the Middle Belt, terrorism in the East, and militancy in the South. A lot of Army personnel are also involved in guarding VIPs and traditional rulers too. Sometimes, I see on the news that the Army Special Forces have arrested some petty amateur criminals and I shake my head in pity. 
The Army does everything from arresting pickpockets to election security to riverine security and you have to ask, 'why have the rest of the 300,000+ policemen (that are not guarding VIPs) doing their job? Is it an order from above or a personal choice?

What's Funny About Nigeria's Security Situation?

"I've just seen the IG, I think he's losing weight. So I think he's working very hard." 

The above statement was Nigeria's President Muhammadu Buhari's response to a question from the press about whether he would change the security strategy or not (in light of the frequency of killings and kidnapping in Northern Nigeria). Many Nigerians have referred to his words as an attempt at a light joke while others have said that it was perfectly in order. Whatever side of the divide you're on, two things are sure: One, the President recently returned from a private visit to the UK amidst alarming insecurity back at home. Two, those words above were one of the first that Nigerians heard from him on his arrival. 

Now, what really pained me about the entire situation was that he chuckled after making the statement in his trademark comic tone. And I ask, what's so funny? Or rather, who is he mocking? Is he mocking the scores of people that died in his absence, their families or Nigerians as a whole? Is the President supposed to be making light statements or statements followed by a chuckle when addressing a security issue especially when the nation is practically on fire? If you ask me, the man looks very comfortable with the current situation of the country despite the fact that most of the places under attack are the part of the country where he hails from. This was the status quo before he went for vague reasons to the UK, a trip he now makes as a routine activity, and on his return, he does not look or act sober, grieved or even determined to stop at nothing to protect his country. Why is that? Does he know something we don't? Does he care less because he has the UK to run to? By the way, this is not the first time he's made such jokes. He once jokingly asked Governor Samuel Ortom of the troubled Benue state, 'how are your cattle rearers?' A total mockery of the lives and security of our people!

IN US LIES ALL THE FAULT

I'd like to ask Nigerians the question: 'You spent so much effort driving out the military from power and 20 years later, wetin we gain?' By the time the infrastructure that the military put on ground expires, we will start jumping from tree branch to tree branch, right? Yes na, since all the roads will be useless, despite all the loans from China, Sukuk, London, Paris, etc. The military never waited for China o. After a bloody war with devastating effects, a certain youth by the name of Gowon, within a few years, criscrossed this country with roads and other vital infrastructure in the 70s as if it was the 22nd century! Compare that to the youth of nowadays. He's probably still waiting for them to call off the strike so he can complete his 7th year on his 4year course. 

 

The military never waited for Dangote to build a refinery o, they built their own: the ones we have failed to manage today. Even IBB of all people built the 3rd Mainland Bridge we all still use today. How many years ago was that? Some of these politicians' roads cannot last for 24 hours, overnight rain go wash am comot. The universities, stadiums, teacher training schools, colleges of education, etc. that were built during the military era, have we replaced them? Replace kwa! We can't even renovate them or even maintain them sef. 

 

The power is now back in the hands of the people, but what have we done with it so far? They said 'vote and one man will come from nowhere and take us to the Promised Land as if we kept any land somewhere'. After voting in 1999, the man did not appear. They said, 'vote again and the man will just land now now now'. After 2003 elections, the man was still nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, hunger dey sama man. But another voting in 2007, 2011, 2015, still no man. So where is this man?? Maybe it's traffic that's delaying him. You know Lagos roads na. Anyway, 2019 is slowly passing out and we're yet to see the man. We used our own hands to destroy our own country and we sit back waiting for a fantastic knight in shining armor to come and clear all our mess. Some people will say, 'supposing they did not annul June 12, we would have been in El Dorado by now'. They annulled June 12, but they did not annul June 13 and 14. By the way, that election would have also produced a politician. A Nigerian politician, not a spirit. What made Abiola or Tofa so special and superhuman and different from every other Nigerian politician? Stomach infrastructure? IBB was also doing it na. Anyway, I'm not seeking to condemn political rule and appraise military dictatorship. No. Even though, I prefer the latter, I'm seeking to make you understand that 'In Us Lies All The Fault'. The good leaders, bad leaders, military leaders, politicians.. they are all Nigerians. When we reject their mistakes and failings as foreign objects and deny ever knowing them, then we will do nothing but fail. You cannot begin to imagine the number of bad things the American military has done within and outside the US, but still the Americans don't hate hearing about their military like we do ours. Give credit to whom credit is due, accept your mistakes, correct them, don't repeat history and work ahead. Rwanda is a perfect example. Wrecked by genocide and war 25 years ago, they still rose up, found their feet and are now leading Africa in many areas. Why can't we do the same when our war was 50 years ago? No, we can't! Why? Because it's much easier to blame Obasanjo and curse Abacha while living in a condition far worse than the one they left us in.

WHY HAVE YOUR KIDS IN NIGERIA?

I've thought about it over and over and I can't help but agree with Falz's manager's advice that people should consider having their kids abroad instead of in Nigeria. Apart from the stigma of being born in a country with a not-so-nice reputation internationally, there are many other disadvantages to giving birth to a child in Nigeria.

Let's start from the beginning. When the woman is pregnant and it's time to deliver, there is lack of good roads and even transportation to get to the hospital. When you finally manage to get to the hospital, there will be insults from the nurses to the woman while the man is sent off to hunt for white cloth, hot water, blade, etc. Then talk of the fees for delivery (let's say you were responsible enough to prepare for that, but other eventualities will surely arise). If you manage to survive all that, and then finally get home, there are mosquitos and malaria waiting for you. If you did not purchase mosquito nets (which ought to be free), then the neighborhood mosquito association will invite mosquitos from other neighborhoods to welcome your wife and the new baby. 

Let's hope that your child and wife are still alive and healthy five years later. Then your child will grow up seeing epileptic power supply, bad roads, filthy environment, madness on the roads (especially if you live in Lagos), open defecation, irresponsible government, dead economy, meager minimum wage, unqualified teachers, illiterate headmasters/headmistresses, half naked girls and women who are exercising their rights to dress the way they like, lack of potable drinking water, police brutality, military brutality, extrajudicial killings, SARS harassment, pervasive corruption, etc. etc. Let's put patriotism aside and be frank with ourselves. This country is a psychological eyesore! It is ranked the 6th most miserable country on the planet. If your child is born here, he will have a life expectancy of 55 years! That's if SARS doesn't kill him first. There's also a high probability that he will live below the poverty line. Yes, I know. God forbid, right? But heaven helps those who help themselves. If your child, when he becomes an adult, lives and works (if he ever gets a sensible job) in Lagos, he will wake up at 4am, arrive home from work at 12 midnight or 1am. He will, due to lack of sleep, become irritable. He will quarrel and fight on the road; he will breathe exhaust fumes in traffic; he will (due to the state of the hospitals) engage in self-medication i.e. he will buy medicines in a region where 30% of all pharmaceutical products are fake; he will get married to a woman who will most likely spend a lot of his money on the wrong things; he will perhaps have to fend for members of his extended family and that of his wife; he will struggle with all the things you are currently struggling with and even more; and last but not the least, he will have children who will suffer all what he has suffered all his life! 

And one day, your child will travel abroad for the first time in his life. He will see how differently things are done and how almost perfect everything is and he will feel overwhelmed and out of place. He will walk like an agric fowl and will fall prey to fraudsters, swindlers and many others who will take advantage of him. When he comes back to Nigeria, he will go back to the crazy life that he's comfortable with and if he's unlucky enough to join politics, he will most likely lead the charge to make life more miserable for his people. And yes, the cycle continues.

Lifetime pension for Lawmakers: Special scheme for special people?

It's May Day! And we celebrate and tip our hats to the hardworking Nigerian workers. For years, they have worked tirelessly to keep the Nigerian state up and running. The government on the other hand has also been hard at work making sure that they are not well compensated. State governors find it more profitable building mosques and town hall centres than paying the salary arrears of their workers. The miserly $50 minimum wage has recently been increased (on paper) to chicken change $83 and of course, the governors are far from happy. They claim to lack the capacity to afford such a meager compensation for the men and women who drive Africa's biggest economy. But I digress. My original area of focus is pensions.

 

 

What we currently operate is the contributory pension scheme where money is taken out of your salary every month and stashed away to be made available after you retire or carted away by some official that will never be punished. People who have worked hard for decades, giving their all to the progress of the state, end up with a meager pension of $83 or perhaps $55. But a young man who was smart enough to join politics through the back door, ends up in the legislature and serves (or rather, disserves) for a few years, will stand a chance to earn a lifetime pension which is equivalent to his working salary and several other undeserved privileges and outrageous allowances which he also enjoyed while he was still in office. So the question is, what makes the members of a non-functioning legislature more special than the hardworking drivers of our economy?