WHY HAVE YOUR KIDS IN NIGERIA?

I've thought about it over and over and I can't help but agree with Falz's manager's advice that people should consider having their kids abroad instead of in Nigeria. Apart from the stigma of being born in a country with a not-so-nice reputation internationally, there are many other disadvantages to giving birth to a child in Nigeria.

Let's start from the beginning. When the woman is pregnant and it's time to deliver, there is lack of good roads and even transportation to get to the hospital. When you finally manage to get to the hospital, there will be insults from the nurses to the woman while the man is sent off to hunt for white cloth, hot water, blade, etc. Then talk of the fees for delivery (let's say you were responsible enough to prepare for that, but other eventualities will surely arise). If you manage to survive all that, and then finally get home, there are mosquitos and malaria waiting for you. If you did not purchase mosquito nets (which ought to be free), then the neighborhood mosquito association will invite mosquitos from other neighborhoods to welcome your wife and the new baby. 

Let's hope that your child and wife are still alive and healthy five years later. Then your child will grow up seeing epileptic power supply, bad roads, filthy environment, madness on the roads (especially if you live in Lagos), open defecation, irresponsible government, dead economy, meager minimum wage, unqualified teachers, illiterate headmasters/headmistresses, half naked girls and women who are exercising their rights to dress the way they like, lack of potable drinking water, police brutality, military brutality, extrajudicial killings, SARS harassment, pervasive corruption, etc. etc. Let's put patriotism aside and be frank with ourselves. This country is a psychological eyesore! It is ranked the 6th most miserable country on the planet. If your child is born here, he will have a life expectancy of 55 years! That's if SARS doesn't kill him first. There's also a high probability that he will live below the poverty line. Yes, I know. God forbid, right? But heaven helps those who help themselves. If your child, when he becomes an adult, lives and works (if he ever gets a sensible job) in Lagos, he will wake up at 4am, arrive home from work at 12 midnight or 1am. He will, due to lack of sleep, become irritable. He will quarrel and fight on the road; he will breathe exhaust fumes in traffic; he will (due to the state of the hospitals) engage in self-medication i.e. he will buy medicines in a region where 30% of all pharmaceutical products are fake; he will get married to a woman who will most likely spend a lot of his money on the wrong things; he will perhaps have to fend for members of his extended family and that of his wife; he will struggle with all the things you are currently struggling with and even more; and last but not the least, he will have children who will suffer all what he has suffered all his life! 

And one day, your child will travel abroad for the first time in his life. He will see how differently things are done and how almost perfect everything is and he will feel overwhelmed and out of place. He will walk like an agric fowl and will fall prey to fraudsters, swindlers and many others who will take advantage of him. When he comes back to Nigeria, he will go back to the crazy life that he's comfortable with and if he's unlucky enough to join politics, he will most likely lead the charge to make life more miserable for his people. And yes, the cycle continues.

Lifetime pension for Lawmakers: Special scheme for special people?

It's May Day! And we celebrate and tip our hats to the hardworking Nigerian workers. For years, they have worked tirelessly to keep the Nigerian state up and running. The government on the other hand has also been hard at work making sure that they are not well compensated. State governors find it more profitable building mosques and town hall centres than paying the salary arrears of their workers. The miserly $50 minimum wage has recently been increased (on paper) to chicken change $83 and of course, the governors are far from happy. They claim to lack the capacity to afford such a meager compensation for the men and women who drive Africa's biggest economy. But I digress. My original area of focus is pensions.

 

 

What we currently operate is the contributory pension scheme where money is taken out of your salary every month and stashed away to be made available after you retire or carted away by some official that will never be punished. People who have worked hard for decades, giving their all to the progress of the state, end up with a meager pension of $83 or perhaps $55. But a young man who was smart enough to join politics through the back door, ends up in the legislature and serves (or rather, disserves) for a few years, will stand a chance to earn a lifetime pension which is equivalent to his working salary and several other undeserved privileges and outrageous allowances which he also enjoyed while he was still in office. So the question is, what makes the members of a non-functioning legislature more special than the hardworking drivers of our economy?

DRESSING RIGHTS

I'd like to ask these questions to those women who say that they have the right to dress the way they like: I'm conducting an important job interview and you are an applicant. If you walked into the office and found me clad only in boxer shorts and nothing else, what would you do? Would you greet me, sit down and act like everything's normal? Would you have any regard for me? Would you consider me sane? Would you even respond to my questions? Won't you even run out of the office as fast as your legs can carry you? 

After answering those questions frankly, you'll find that no one has a right to do whatever he/she likes otherwise there'd be no laws and murder wouldn't be a crime. Men are considered to be given a clear advantage over woman by the society and women are struggling to gain a foothold, but despite all our power and influence, we have always dressed the way we ought to (sane men of course). Suits are for the office, overalls are for the workshop/site, shorts are for the tennis court/football pitch, etc. etc. We could choose to wear our underwear to the office and no one would stop us, but we don't. Because with all our power, we have chosen to work within the limits of the society's stipulations. It takes a lot of maturity to do that. Doing otherwise is acting like a teenager who's on an unnecessary mission to prove his/her independence to his/her parent(s).

#EndSARS campaign: The fire brigade siren

Ever noticed the approach of a fire brigade? It's actually a 'simple' procedure. Urgent, fast, hard work. In essence, it's a form of 'acting first and thinking later' procedure. Why? Because there is an emergency. Lives have to be saved and saved fast. 
A fire-brigade siren is what the #EndSARS campaign really is. It is the signal that inspires the fire brigade approach. The signal itself is inspired by anger, frustration and a fight back impulse. The people are tired and fed up, so they let instinct take over, the immediate action instinct. Still with me? If you are, then I'll tell you why #EndSARS is only a superficial solution to a deep problem. 

In Nigeria, it is the common culture that when angry or frustrated, we either go for a weapon or a fire extinguisher, but we use both of them wrongly. #EndSARS is the extinguisher method, so I'll focus on that. Nigerians use the extinguisher in an interesting manner: they pump its contents at the tip of the flame's tongues thereby making the flame withdraw its tongues and instead of flaring upwards, it's forced to flare sideways. In other words, we treat the symptoms and leave the main cause to grow undisturbed. The misbehavior of SARS is only a symptom of a problem that has two parts. Part I: the people. Part II: the authorities. 

First question: Who makes up SARS? Ghanaians? Chinese? No! Actually, Nigerians. My friends, your brother, her father, his uncle, your father-in-law, etc. This part of the problem is manned by us, the people. Sub question: What is it in a Nigerian that makes him act crudely when he's wearing a uniform? Yes, any uniform. Some years ago, when I went for recruitment exercise in one of the services, some of the uniformed kids cudgeling us were actually once fellow applicants of some of us in the group during their first attempt at the exercise. You think SARS is the only problem? If they end it today, CARS will come up. When they end that one, BARS will follow. Seriously, there are many other sleeping giant problems in the Nigerian security services, waiting to erupt full-scale like SARS. I hear the Airforce has now developed a thirst for bombing the wrong targets. The other time, some organization alleged that the Army killed and buried members of the Shi'ite group (though they were the ones that first looked for trouble before trouble found them). Anyway, there is God. 

Second question: Who does SARS members 'make returns to'? Gen gen! This is the part that normally lands someone in a small, dark cell. But let's continue. I'm strengthened by your promise to come with me and keep me company there. But seriously, who backs SARS? Who gives them the go-ahead to do what they do with so much impunity? I've seen cases where people get out of SARS net when they have a 'pass' from high ranked members of the Force. Do you remember Mohammed Dahiru Abubakar, former IGP? You do? Great. Soon after he was appointed IGP, he ordered that all checkpoints be dismantled immediately. Look, those manning checkpoints in my area are superior, fearless guys. Dem no send anybody. Even Presidential order nor concern dem. But dear brethren, after the new IGP's order, the checkpoints were all dismantled that very day. Now, fast forward to the day MD Abubakar was replaced. As the new IGP announced that the no-checkpoint order was still in force, that very evening, the checkpoints were returned in full force and even more were added to make up for lost time. All the money they make from ransoms, illegal arrests, harassments, etc., I wonder how far it goes and where it ends. Anyway, lemme come and be going before it'll be too late to go.

 

But we should all know that as far as Nigerians remain Nigerians, as far as the police are not well taken care of by the government, and as far as there are people backing them, #EndSARS can only provide temporary reprieve to a problem that will continue to remain very active and potent. So instead, we should work on our society and government's behavior which is controlled by each and every one of us.