HATRED FOR READING

As a passionate writer and avid reader, I understand the relationship between reading and development. In fact, the most foolish people are those who don't read. And the poorest countries are nations that don't care about reading. Take Nigeria for instance, the only kind of books you find in large quantity are below standard textbooks, Bibles and spiritual books. That tells you the direction the nation is headed. It is no wonder that we house the largest amount of paupers on earth. Not only financial paupers but mental paupers. They are so poor that there are holes in their brains and their pockets, so no matter what you put in them, it always falls off. The source of the problem is hatred for reading! The students don't want to read, their parents 'don't have time' te read, their teachers in many cases cannot read... so at the end of the day, the only authors that thrive are the pastors, because their books are fantastic and promising. They offer you ways in which you can use prayers to kill all your enemies, get a wife, make billions and enter into heaven. Can I hear a very loud Halleluyah! You don't have to work, you just have to read the Bible, pray and pay your tithes even though you have no source of income. Halleluyah! Like Fela sang, 'My people dem go dey follow Imam (Amen); dey follow Pope (Amen); dey follow arcbishop (Amen)..." So the 'men of God' keep swindling them and raping their kids at the same time and the blind sheep continue to cheer them on. 

 

Now let's look at other countries. One of the reasons why Jeff Bezos was recently ranked the world's richest man was because he owns Amazon and one of the reasons why Amazon is very well known is because it sells books amongst other things. This company controls the world of ebook sales and no one else comes close. But you find that they have little or no presence in the world's second most populated continent, Africa. When it comes to books, they make so much money concentrating mostly on the US and some parts of Europe. But I believe that if Amazon were to establish its presence here, it would grow a thousand fold in the sale of everything except.. books! Everybody here wants flashy cars, fine jewelry and designer clothes, but nobody wants to read, even if the book is free. Have you ever seen a modern Nigerian who's not a self-sponsoring student save money to buy books? Bah! Abomination! What does he need books for? There's a new shoe in town or there's a new girl in the area who turns down all the guys that ask her out. These are the most important things in life! After wearing out the shoe and banging the girl six ways from Sunday, what has he achieved? Abso-fuckin-lutely nothing! In fact, he's worse off than when he started. So the next thing he does is to blame the government! Of course, the government also created a large share of the problem. There is absolutely no sensible modern library in Nigeria and yet this is the 7th most populated nation on the planet. Bookstores are a rarity. Unless you sell Bibles, substandard textbooks, Qurans and spiritual/prayer books, then you should never think of opening a bookstore. Most fiction books you will find around are distributed by the education ministry and must be forced on the students, but still, a sizeable number of them will never go past the first few pages. If it were books about how to make millions in 5 minutes without stress or how to bang a girl non-stop for 5 hours without getting tired. Aha! Now you're talking. But how can such knowledge move us and our nation forward?

LACK OF DECENCY IN OUR SERVICEWOMEN

Even though this issue is simple and straightforward, I still don't know where to start. When I think about it, it makes me wanna puke. I watch official functions on TV, I walk on the road, I walk past military bases.. all I see is Nigerian servicewomen looking worse than prostitutes. And they're in uniform! Skin-tight, butt-expressing uniforms! All the curves are there for anyone who cares to look and I'm sure a lot of servicemen care to look. I may not be in the military, but I know enough about that organization to be sure that its biggest foundation is discipline and one of the biggest components of military discipline is appropriate dressing. So if our servicewomen are dressing the way they are currently dressing, then it's safe to say that our military lacks discipline and a military that lacks discipline should not be called a military. Women in the service were hired to carry out several duties. Whether they can or do carry them out is a story for another day, but the big question is: Is being a sex idol one of those duties??

 

PS: It seems this is now and inspiration for other female uniformed women, including gatekeepers!

NIGERIAN NAVY: Uniform & Uniformity 1

Looking at the Nigerian Armed Forces, it's not really an inspiring sight for many reasons. But the least inspiring of them is the Nigerian Navy for so many reasons. Today I'll talk about a certain part of the uniform: the insignia of Naval ratings, especially the standard white and blue tops. I also have issues with the insignia on the new general camouflage, but that's a story for another day. My focus now is on the size and pattern of the insignia on the uniforms of Naval ratings. 

I see a lot of Navy personnel regularly (their general behavior is a not-very-beautiful story for another day) and I notice a lot of things, their insignia being one of them. The insigne of an average Naval rating is way too tiny and bad-looking. And in my experience, there is very little to no uniformity in insignia among ratings, especially the rank of Seaman. Sizes are very different and they're all very small and patterns are extremely very diverse. In only one Naval command, I've seen dozens of very different looking Seaman insignia and some were as small as only a few inches in area. This is actually a direct opposite to what I see on the arms of Airforce and Army personnel. The Navy seems worse than the Police which leaves its personnel to provide their entire uniform for themselves. As a result, everyone designs what he/she likes, so some look like gatemen, professional dancers, messengers, etc. Most times, I have to squint at the tiny cap badge to identify them as Naval personnel. For Christ's sake, even Boys Scout and Man-o-war does better, why the hell is the Navy the way it is? I can't attempt to call on the authorities to do anything about this since that would be no better than talking to myself, but I do hope that one day soon, our Navy will get the right leadership that would fix this and many other problems.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

The President and members of his party will always say, 'PDP is to blame. They have to tell us what they did with Nigeria's money for 16 years.' You know, I came across a joke some years ago. Here it is: 

 

 ~A happy couple, any time they had sex, the man would always insist the lights be turned off first. It continued for a very long time and the woman kept wondering why on earth her husband always wanted the lights off. One night, while they were in the middle of the operation, the woman suddenly turned on the lights. Yep, she did, and she saw something shocking. Her husband had been using a battery-operated sex toy! She went bonkers and told him, "You better start explaining this!" He replied and said, "Okay, darling. I'll explain the toy, and you'll explain the kids." ~ 

 

So I'm saying to Mr. President and his cheerleaders, "If you want PDP to explain their 16 years, that's Okay. Provided you also explain your 4 years. What did you do with all the loans and annual budgets in the last four years? Or did PDP steal them too under your watch? Yes, we know that we have to know where we are coming from before we know where we are going to, but you forget that there's something else in between: where we currently are. So, Buhari and party, where are we now?"

Weapons or Development: Which Do We Need More?

I like it.. love it when I hear policy analyst Rotimi Sankore say that 'no army can defeat poverty, hunger and unemployment'. That's the summary of the Nigerian situation. All the states of emergency that have been declared, the Python Dances, the Crocodile Smiles and so on, the source of those problems that these operations are meant to contain are nothing but poverty, hunger and unemployment. No army has ever defeated those three terrorists. Even if we have ten or even hundred times the amount of soldiers that we currently have, the only thing that will happen is that the state of insecurity will only get worse. Let's branch out a little.
 

I heard some weeks ago that the South Korean minimum wage is $1,200. Yes, one thousand and two hundred dollars. Our own is how much? About $80. I also heard that in South Korea, most of their police force don't usually carry arms. Handguns, I mean. Our own here even take home their assault rifles. Then let's look at Switzerland, one of the most comfortable nations in the world. I heard some time ago that they have no standing army. Same thing with Iceland and Japan. So let's come back to Nigeria. We don't even have a standing army, we have a jumping one. They're everywhere, fighting one problem or the other and dying like ownerless chickens in the process. The rest of the world are 'helping and supporting us' by sending more weapons, jets and helicopters. The little money we have that has not yet been spirited away by monkeys or swallowed by snakes, we also spend it in buying weapons and in the process, the money can develop engine problem and will eventually make an emergency landing in somebody's pocket. Diaris God. 

 

So we deploy expensive planes, helis, tanks, men, boats and so on to combat various degrees of crime and violence, spending so much money in the process. That is, not including the amounts that will be inflated by commanders of the various forces. You know how we do it in 9ja na. 'The vehicle patrolled 20km in 5hours and spent 500 litres of petrol', while in reality, the vehicle has not moved an inch for the past two days. Again, there is God. So after spending all this money, the rate of kidnapping keeps increasing all around the nation except in the imagination of the Chief of Naval Staff. Oga, wei done sir. It's not easy to be short. But sometimes, what we lack in height, we usually make up in imagination. Ahem.. So like I was saying before I stopped to salute Oga, we spend so much on security, including security votes which easily run into millions of dollars, but kidnapping, banditry and terrorism are steadily on the rise. Well, the usual government reaction is the blame game which is currently in full force. Those of you who know this Fela song: 'You be thief (I no be thief), You be rogue (I no be rogue), You be robber (I no be robber), You be armed robber (I no be armed robber), Argument argument argue...' So instead of treating the root cause of our problems, we buy weapons and accuse one another of fueling the insecurity. Our problems are hunger, poverty and unemployment, the lack of which makes Japan, South Korea, Iceland and Switzerland relatively very safe despite their security policy. Our government cannot pretend that they do not know our problems and even the solutions too, but a tenant that has just finished building his own house and has already packed all of his property will not care if his landlord's house is on fire because he has nothing in it. It's now solely his landlord's problem. Our leaders have Europe and America to run to when this nation will begin to collapse and those enemies of our progress will welcome them while denying the poor ones visas. Many African governments are now being run from London and Paris. Like Falz sang, 'four-year tenure, three-year holiday (hey hey, three-year holiday)'. Anyway, no be me talk am o!

LOCAL GOVERNMENT AUTONOMY

From time to time, I hear people blasting the Federal and state governments about the local governments' autonomy. Some people say that the governors sit on the local government chairmen and do not give them any sort of freedom and so on and so forth. As usual, I'll ask a question. Are the local government chairmen (and their equivalents) uncomfortable under the current state of things? My answer is No! Why? Here are my reasons. 

I strongly maintain that despite their complaints about not having enough freedom, the local government heads are far from uncomfortable. Everyone has to understand that autonomy was taken away from them for a reason. That reason is understood by the states, federal government and legislature. Unless a miracle will occur, local governments will never be autonomous in Nigeria. The idea to 'sit on their heads' is much better than most people think. In a sensible nation with patriotic and kind-hearted citizens, local governments are supposed to be autonomous, but we all know our Naija. Lack of employment, poor infrastructure, decayed education sector, failed power sector, frustration of small and medium businesses, etc. All these things and much more are blamed on the Federal and state governments, but no one has ever cared to look closely enough to discover that the blame should actually be on the local governments. Why? Because almost every inch of this country belongs to a local government. If the local government heads do their jobs, we would not need the Federal or state governments to do anything. But you will reply and say, 'the local government heads can't do their jobs because they have no autonomy! The states control everything they do!' No, you're very wrong. Let me put it to you that most of the local government heads, at least in Southern Nigeria, do not lack the ability or resources to develop the areas under them. The LGs engage in a variety of things that provide revenue, one of the most lucrative of which are illegal and double taxation. The profit from this sector alone is massive and enough to develop the local government areas, but it will all go into the pockets of the

chairman or his equivalent. 

 

I once had a conversation with a young businessman who sold a product that I regularly consumed. I asked him why he sold it so expensive when he had bought it so cheap from the market and then he proceeded to give me a breakdown of how much he pays to the local government authorities, traditional authorities and the owner of his shop. My jaw fell effortlessly and since then, I never haggled with him. The amounts he mentioned were mind-blowing. The same thing applies to the meat seller, the tomato seller at the market, the okada rider, etc. Depending on the area where they do business, they will be taxed by the community youths, traditional rulers, their market association, sometimes their product sellers' association and the local government. These are poor, helpless people helping the economy, themselves and the rest of us in their own little way, but the local governments and other local 'authorities' are always on ground to frustrate their efforts and increase their suffering. And you're blaming the Federal government for the failure of small and medium scale businesses? There are many sources of revenue, legitimate and illegitimate, for the LGs and they stop at nothing to milk these sources dry. They make very massive amounts of money and account for only a micro fraction. These monies can easily provide independent power, good roads, good schools, and water supply for the local government areas, but the LG head takes it all for himself. And you expect his state governor to give him more money along with autonomy so he can steal it and further oppress his people? What are they currently doing with the autonomy they have over the money they make? I admit that the state governors are not saints, but I can confidently tell you that if they are wicked, then the LG heads are the representatives of Satan himself.

LEAVE THEM ALONE!

Please listen. I want it to end now. I don't wanna hear it anymore. Let's stop it immediately, right this minute. If you haven't guessed what I mean, I'm talking about the grumblings by many Nigerians that it was the British that created the problems we face today. It is nothing short of a lie and a myopic one at that. As matter of fact, I believe that Nigeria was one of those colonies that saw the best side of colonialism. I may go into the proof some other time, but certainly not now. Now is the time I have chosen to remind you about something:  

 

The British were big colonialists with so many colonies in hand, many of which obtained relatively easy independence under the lovely Queen Elizabeth II. (You just cannot hold a grudge against the old girl). Some of those colonies include what is now known today as India, the US, The Bahamas, Israel, Canada, Australia, South Africa, Qatar, UAE, Pakistan, etc. All these nations were once under British rule, protection, ownership, etc. Some gained independence before us and others after us, but one thing they all did was that they grew while we retrogressed. They are all from different parts of the world, different climates, timezones, races, possess unequal resources and many other distinguishing factors, but the fact remains that they are all better than we are and yet, we are all former British colonies. So I'm asking those of you who say Britain is the source of our problems: What special curse did they place on our country that they forgot to place on other of their colonies? I remember that the Brits brought education and religion, two beautiful things that we have managed to use against our own selves to the extent that some of us are even going abroad to convert those that originally converted us. 

 

When a child drops out from school and goes on to become a failure in life, can you blame his teacher? Or when a group of students in the same class write a regional examination and one fails woefully while the rest do very well, is the fault with the teacher or the student? What made Qatar and UAE what they are today, 48 years after independence from the same British that colonized us? Are they smarter than we are or did the Brits leave them with magical powers? I admit that the British were and are still not saints, but they did quite well for us. What they did in India, if they had done it here in Nigeria, would we have continued to exist till today? Despite everything, India are moving forward and they are far ahead of us to the extent that we import rice and even garri from them. It's the British that told us to do so, abi? No matter what anyone has done to you in the past, it falls on you to pick your life up and move the hell forward! The Jews survived a genocide and went on to form a country. They fought many wars with their neighbors and conflict with Palestine is still very active, yet they are doing extremely well for themselves. What about the Rwandans, Serbs, Croats, Ukrainians, Vietnamese? The worst we had was slave trade and Civil War. The first, we were actively involved in it and the second, it was within us. After the trouble with the British at their arrival and before Independence, we came out stronger and better, but instead of building on it, we killed it. If things had turned out differently, would we have had anything to blame the British for? 

 

All our existing infrastructure is from the British. Yes, because the military that built them were British-trained. Show me one sensible infrastructure (physical or not) that doesn't have links with the Brits. Are there any? When the Brits were here, we said 'Go!' Now that they're gone, we're saying 'they are the cause of our problems'. Doesn't that sound like a mentally unstable adult or a spoilt child? All those who have gained independence have made the best out of it, so what's stopping us from doing the same? It's simple. We're irresponsible and wicked! There's no love, no sense of responsibility and no unity. The perfect recipe for continuous failure. Leave the Brits alone, it's been 59 years since they left you alone! Rwanda's genocide was just 25 years ago. Look at them today. Are we not ashamed? Ah ah, for what na?! The person wey swear for us, how him take arrange the swear? Military did this, British did that... Na only you dem do?? Get up and fight your way forward!