LOCAL GOVERNMENT AUTONOMY

From time to time, I hear people blasting the Federal and state governments about the local governments' autonomy. Some people say that the governors sit on the local government chairmen and do not give them any sort of freedom and so on and so forth. As usual, I'll ask a question. Are the local government chairmen (and their equivalents) uncomfortable under the current state of things? My answer is No! Why? Here are my reasons. 

I strongly maintain that despite their complaints about not having enough freedom, the local government heads are far from uncomfortable. Everyone has to understand that autonomy was taken away from them for a reason. That reason is understood by the states, federal government and legislature. Unless a miracle will occur, local governments will never be autonomous in Nigeria. The idea to 'sit on their heads' is much better than most people think. In a sensible nation with patriotic and kind-hearted citizens, local governments are supposed to be autonomous, but we all know our Naija. Lack of employment, poor infrastructure, decayed education sector, failed power sector, frustration of small and medium businesses, etc. All these things and much more are blamed on the Federal and state governments, but no one has ever cared to look closely enough to discover that the blame should actually be on the local governments. Why? Because almost every inch of this country belongs to a local government. If the local government heads do their jobs, we would not need the Federal or state governments to do anything. But you will reply and say, 'the local government heads can't do their jobs because they have no autonomy! The states control everything they do!' No, you're very wrong. Let me put it to you that most of the local government heads, at least in Southern Nigeria, do not lack the ability or resources to develop the areas under them. The LGs engage in a variety of things that provide revenue, one of the most lucrative of which are illegal and double taxation. The profit from this sector alone is massive and enough to develop the local government areas, but it will all go into the pockets of the

chairman or his equivalent. 

 

I once had a conversation with a young businessman who sold a product that I regularly consumed. I asked him why he sold it so expensive when he had bought it so cheap from the market and then he proceeded to give me a breakdown of how much he pays to the local government authorities, traditional authorities and the owner of his shop. My jaw fell effortlessly and since then, I never haggled with him. The amounts he mentioned were mind-blowing. The same thing applies to the meat seller, the tomato seller at the market, the okada rider, etc. Depending on the area where they do business, they will be taxed by the community youths, traditional rulers, their market association, sometimes their product sellers' association and the local government. These are poor, helpless people helping the economy, themselves and the rest of us in their own little way, but the local governments and other local 'authorities' are always on ground to frustrate their efforts and increase their suffering. And you're blaming the Federal government for the failure of small and medium scale businesses? There are many sources of revenue, legitimate and illegitimate, for the LGs and they stop at nothing to milk these sources dry. They make very massive amounts of money and account for only a micro fraction. These monies can easily provide independent power, good roads, good schools, and water supply for the local government areas, but the LG head takes it all for himself. And you expect his state governor to give him more money along with autonomy so he can steal it and further oppress his people? What are they currently doing with the autonomy they have over the money they make? I admit that the state governors are not saints, but I can confidently tell you that if they are wicked, then the LG heads are the representatives of Satan himself.

LEAVE THEM ALONE!

Please listen. I want it to end now. I don't wanna hear it anymore. Let's stop it immediately, right this minute. If you haven't guessed what I mean, I'm talking about the grumblings by many Nigerians that it was the British that created the problems we face today. It is nothing short of a lie and a myopic one at that. As matter of fact, I believe that Nigeria was one of those colonies that saw the best side of colonialism. I may go into the proof some other time, but certainly not now. Now is the time I have chosen to remind you about something:  

 

The British were big colonialists with so many colonies in hand, many of which obtained relatively easy independence under the lovely Queen Elizabeth II. (You just cannot hold a grudge against the old girl). Some of those colonies include what is now known today as India, the US, The Bahamas, Israel, Canada, Australia, South Africa, Qatar, UAE, Pakistan, etc. All these nations were once under British rule, protection, ownership, etc. Some gained independence before us and others after us, but one thing they all did was that they grew while we retrogressed. They are all from different parts of the world, different climates, timezones, races, possess unequal resources and many other distinguishing factors, but the fact remains that they are all better than we are and yet, we are all former British colonies. So I'm asking those of you who say Britain is the source of our problems: What special curse did they place on our country that they forgot to place on other of their colonies? I remember that the Brits brought education and religion, two beautiful things that we have managed to use against our own selves to the extent that some of us are even going abroad to convert those that originally converted us. 

 

When a child drops out from school and goes on to become a failure in life, can you blame his teacher? Or when a group of students in the same class write a regional examination and one fails woefully while the rest do very well, is the fault with the teacher or the student? What made Qatar and UAE what they are today, 48 years after independence from the same British that colonized us? Are they smarter than we are or did the Brits leave them with magical powers? I admit that the British were and are still not saints, but they did quite well for us. What they did in India, if they had done it here in Nigeria, would we have continued to exist till today? Despite everything, India are moving forward and they are far ahead of us to the extent that we import rice and even garri from them. It's the British that told us to do so, abi? No matter what anyone has done to you in the past, it falls on you to pick your life up and move the hell forward! The Jews survived a genocide and went on to form a country. They fought many wars with their neighbors and conflict with Palestine is still very active, yet they are doing extremely well for themselves. What about the Rwandans, Serbs, Croats, Ukrainians, Vietnamese? The worst we had was slave trade and Civil War. The first, we were actively involved in it and the second, it was within us. After the trouble with the British at their arrival and before Independence, we came out stronger and better, but instead of building on it, we killed it. If things had turned out differently, would we have had anything to blame the British for? 

 

All our existing infrastructure is from the British. Yes, because the military that built them were British-trained. Show me one sensible infrastructure (physical or not) that doesn't have links with the Brits. Are there any? When the Brits were here, we said 'Go!' Now that they're gone, we're saying 'they are the cause of our problems'. Doesn't that sound like a mentally unstable adult or a spoilt child? All those who have gained independence have made the best out of it, so what's stopping us from doing the same? It's simple. We're irresponsible and wicked! There's no love, no sense of responsibility and no unity. The perfect recipe for continuous failure. Leave the Brits alone, it's been 59 years since they left you alone! Rwanda's genocide was just 25 years ago. Look at them today. Are we not ashamed? Ah ah, for what na?! The person wey swear for us, how him take arrange the swear? Military did this, British did that... Na only you dem do?? Get up and fight your way forward!

Nigerian Women In Big Cars

When we were little, we used to regard women's motorcycles (women usually drove the small Qlink-kind of motorcycles) as harmless because their riders being females were always careful. Men, on the other hand, were much more dangerous with their big, noisy 'bikes'. So, crossing the road when a female motorcycle was just a few feet away was something we did with leisure and non-chalance since the woman would be patient, slow and careful. But if a man was coming on his bike half a kilometer away, we knew to stay clear off the road completely. Sitting outside your house which was by the roadside didn't make you any safer than if you were standing in the middle of the road. We'd never heard of accidents involving women's bikes, but accidents involving men's bikes was something that occurred many times a day and the crazy part was that most of the accidents were caused and suffered by the same bike. But I digress. What I really want to talk about is cars and female drivers.

Now, in some parts of Lagos, it's not uncommon to see a woman riding a big car. But I'd like to ask, how many driving schools do we have in Lagos. In all my time here, I've seen two and heard of one. Of course, there would surely be others, but certainly not as many as they should be. And looking at the entire structure and organization of some of these schools, it's nothing but outright nonsense. By the way, how many people especially women patronize these schools? A lot of people learn how to drive from a friend or family member and most likely in an open garage. An informal, incomplete form of training that teaches you how to change gear, reverse, brake, accelerate and use the horn among some other things. Most times, both teacher and student have no idea about many road signs or driving regulations. It is very normal to see a woman drive very slowly and carefully, not only because women are naturally calm and careful, but also because she's not a very good driver. In a car of say three to three and half yards in length, it could take some women twenty to thirty minutes to actually make a U-turn on a road of almost 10 yards in width. It can be very funny when you see them taking the car back and forth like a duck fowl doing a traditional Igbo dance. Then talk of those women who want to negotiate a curve. That might take some of them a whole ten minutes. If it's a big car, needing good height and strength to handle properly, it will be closer to fifteen. They will look left, right, back, stretch their necks to see ahead and below and then repeat the entire process before moving a few inches forward and the cycle continues. Reversing is yet another drama. The funniest happens in a bank's parking space. Some women will have to undergo a fresh driving lecture from the security men before they can park their cars. "Go like this. Ehen ehen, hold am like that. Oya, turn come. Dey come, dey come. No no no, hold am.. No, turn am like that...."

To be frank, I'm yet to see the actions of these women directly threaten the safety of pedestrians, but it certainly is adding to the anger and frustration of every road user when they block the road with big cars they can't handle. They are also risking their own lives by being sitting, clueless ducks on ill-constructed roads full of crazy male drivers of heavy-duty vehicles, insane male motorcycle riders, portholes and fellow inexperienced or underaged drivers of the opposite sex. I really do not know why a woman who's not very good at driving, measuring 5ft. 1in. and weighing 110lb would want to drive a car as large as a Pathfinder jeep. She cannot see much of the road ahead and when she finds herself in an unfamiliar or tight situation, she lacks the strength to control the car optimally. It clearly is a recipe for disaster. Most big cars look like coffins, and believe me, they can easily land you in one. You can show off with a small car, a bicycle or even a Keke NAPEP. Why play with your life by showing off with a big car on Nigerian roads when you cannot even drive very well?

Nigeria's Security Strategies: Our Open Secrets

It's a common trend for Nigerian security agencies to come to national TV and announce important security strategies in detail. The latest I heard was the Police outlining in detailed form how it hoped to go after and catch certain groups of criminals. And I ask, who are they fooling, me or themselves? Do they think everyone is foolish enough not to think that these criminals have television sets or listen to the news or have family members/accomplices who do? How can you destroy Boko Haram when all your vital plans are always on the evening news? Do you even really want to destroy them or are you seeking to do a form of eyeservice shake-body, telling the Nigerian people, 'Hey, you dey see me? I'm working very hard o!'
 

New security threats keep arising and they can not be contained because the deployment and strategies of all the security agencies can be found on TV, radio and newspaper. The criminals can easily know what class,

departments, ranks and number of security agents that are at any and every part of the country at all times. And then, the IG, the Defense Chief, COAS and Minister of Defense will come out to complete the dossier by telling everyone exactly what the troops will be doing, how they will do it and when they will do it. They feel proud and comfortable giving out these information because no matter what happens, they are safe in Abuja. Last last, na the deployed soldiers and policemen go die. What will happen to the money meant for their families, only God can tell which pocket that one go enter. So my biggest question is, why play politics and eyeservice with vital information about the security of this great nation of 200 million people? The dividends of democracy are the provision of good roads, sound education, constant power, good healthcare, good economy.. not security strategy. Haba!

What Is Our Police Force Doing?

In almost every sensible nation on the planet, the police is the first line of internal security. But in Nigeria the first line of internal security is the Army. Why? 
One, the police population is very low compared to the population of the policed. Two, the police are not usually trusted. Three, the police are not usually feared by those who create security threats. Four, the police are not as trained and equipped as necessary. And Five, the police almost always engage in wrong activities like harassing members of the public, guarding VIPs and robbing innocent citizens of their money and property. I've heard someone say that, in his area, there could be as many as 80 policemen guarding 20 homes. And some years ago, the then IGP Solomon Arase stated that so many policemen/women were actually occupied with carrying bags around for VIPs. But he also played the hypocrite near the end of his tenure when he held the microphone for the president to read an address during an event. Eye service regime of course. 

There are reports which claim that about 150,000 of our over 300,000 police personnel are occupied with guarding VIPs. Meanwhile, non-VIPs who really require police protection are being taken to the station and asked to bring N200,000 because they're wearing dreadlocks, carrying a laptop bag or having an iPhone. While the police are busy with all these activities, the Army are fighting insurgency in the North East, banditry in the North West, herdsmen in the Middle Belt, terrorism in the East, and militancy in the South. A lot of Army personnel are also involved in guarding VIPs and traditional rulers too. Sometimes, I see on the news that the Army Special Forces have arrested some petty amateur criminals and I shake my head in pity. 
The Army does everything from arresting pickpockets to election security to riverine security and you have to ask, 'why have the rest of the 300,000+ policemen (that are not guarding VIPs) doing their job? Is it an order from above or a personal choice?

What's Funny About Nigeria's Security Situation?

"I've just seen the IG, I think he's losing weight. So I think he's working very hard." 

The above statement was Nigeria's President Muhammadu Buhari's response to a question from the press about whether he would change the security strategy or not (in light of the frequency of killings and kidnapping in Northern Nigeria). Many Nigerians have referred to his words as an attempt at a light joke while others have said that it was perfectly in order. Whatever side of the divide you're on, two things are sure: One, the President recently returned from a private visit to the UK amidst alarming insecurity back at home. Two, those words above were one of the first that Nigerians heard from him on his arrival. 

Now, what really pained me about the entire situation was that he chuckled after making the statement in his trademark comic tone. And I ask, what's so funny? Or rather, who is he mocking? Is he mocking the scores of people that died in his absence, their families or Nigerians as a whole? Is the President supposed to be making light statements or statements followed by a chuckle when addressing a security issue especially when the nation is practically on fire? If you ask me, the man looks very comfortable with the current situation of the country despite the fact that most of the places under attack are the part of the country where he hails from. This was the status quo before he went for vague reasons to the UK, a trip he now makes as a routine activity, and on his return, he does not look or act sober, grieved or even determined to stop at nothing to protect his country. Why is that? Does he know something we don't? Does he care less because he has the UK to run to? By the way, this is not the first time he's made such jokes. He once jokingly asked Governor Samuel Ortom of the troubled Benue state, 'how are your cattle rearers?' A total mockery of the lives and security of our people!

IN US LIES ALL THE FAULT

I'd like to ask Nigerians the question: 'You spent so much effort driving out the military from power and 20 years later, wetin we gain?' By the time the infrastructure that the military put on ground expires, we will start jumping from tree branch to tree branch, right? Yes na, since all the roads will be useless, despite all the loans from China, Sukuk, London, Paris, etc. The military never waited for China o. After a bloody war with devastating effects, a certain youth by the name of Gowon, within a few years, criscrossed this country with roads and other vital infrastructure in the 70s as if it was the 22nd century! Compare that to the youth of nowadays. He's probably still waiting for them to call off the strike so he can complete his 7th year on his 4year course. 

 

The military never waited for Dangote to build a refinery o, they built their own: the ones we have failed to manage today. Even IBB of all people built the 3rd Mainland Bridge we all still use today. How many years ago was that? Some of these politicians' roads cannot last for 24 hours, overnight rain go wash am comot. The universities, stadiums, teacher training schools, colleges of education, etc. that were built during the military era, have we replaced them? Replace kwa! We can't even renovate them or even maintain them sef. 

 

The power is now back in the hands of the people, but what have we done with it so far? They said 'vote and one man will come from nowhere and take us to the Promised Land as if we kept any land somewhere'. After voting in 1999, the man did not appear. They said, 'vote again and the man will just land now now now'. After 2003 elections, the man was still nowhere to be found. Meanwhile, hunger dey sama man. But another voting in 2007, 2011, 2015, still no man. So where is this man?? Maybe it's traffic that's delaying him. You know Lagos roads na. Anyway, 2019 is slowly passing out and we're yet to see the man. We used our own hands to destroy our own country and we sit back waiting for a fantastic knight in shining armor to come and clear all our mess. Some people will say, 'supposing they did not annul June 12, we would have been in El Dorado by now'. They annulled June 12, but they did not annul June 13 and 14. By the way, that election would have also produced a politician. A Nigerian politician, not a spirit. What made Abiola or Tofa so special and superhuman and different from every other Nigerian politician? Stomach infrastructure? IBB was also doing it na. Anyway, I'm not seeking to condemn political rule and appraise military dictatorship. No. Even though, I prefer the latter, I'm seeking to make you understand that 'In Us Lies All The Fault'. The good leaders, bad leaders, military leaders, politicians.. they are all Nigerians. When we reject their mistakes and failings as foreign objects and deny ever knowing them, then we will do nothing but fail. You cannot begin to imagine the number of bad things the American military has done within and outside the US, but still the Americans don't hate hearing about their military like we do ours. Give credit to whom credit is due, accept your mistakes, correct them, don't repeat history and work ahead. Rwanda is a perfect example. Wrecked by genocide and war 25 years ago, they still rose up, found their feet and are now leading Africa in many areas. Why can't we do the same when our war was 50 years ago? No, we can't! Why? Because it's much easier to blame Obasanjo and curse Abacha while living in a condition far worse than the one they left us in.